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Talking Ta-Ta’s

What Your Bra Says About You (On a Date)

As it turns out, if you obsess about which  over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder to pull from the ol’ bra(wer) drawer, you’re  totally justified. We can tell quite a bit about you from the type of breast  support you rely on.

For example:

Bandeau Bra: You’re confident.

Underwire Bra: You understand compromise.

Built-In Bra: You value convenience.

Convertible Bra: It’s important to you to keep your options  open.

Padded Bra: You’re pragmatic.

Sheer Bra: People fall in love with you too easily.

Push-Up Bra: You’re very, very tricky.

Hanes Racerback Bra: You didn’t expect to hook up  tonight.

Victoria’s Secret Racerback Bra: You wanted it to look like  you didn’t expect to hook up tonight.

Demi Bra: You’re hot.

Front Hook Bra: I’m not saying it means anything. I’m just  saying that the ease with which another person can take it off might have  crossed your mind.

Minimizer Bra: You’re modest.

T-Shirt Bra: You’re just, like, casually chillin’. It’s  whatevs. (Except not really, because then you would have just worn a regular bra  and not cared that the seams showed.)

No Bra: No one’s going to tell you what to do. Not even your  breasts.

Corset: You’re a biter. And kind of a nerd.

The Playtex 18 Hour Bra: You’re one of the pretty ladies who  works at the bank. It’s also 1986 and I have a giant crush on you.

Bullet Bra: There is such a thing as being way too into Mad Men.

Maternity Bra: You’re, um, pregnant?

Shelf Bra: You’re kinky. Or you just didn’t know they were  supposed to cover your whole boob.

Water Bra: You don’t really know about… stuff.

Seashell Bra: If it’s Halloween, you’re dressed up as the  Little Mermaid. Hot! If it’s not Halloween, you had terrible parents.

Coconut Bra: You’re a virgin. Who narrowly escaped sacrifice  by way of being-thrown-into-a-volcano and didn’t have time to change.

Adhesive Bra: You live your life like you’re on the red  carpet–ridiculously.

–Written by Scott Alden for


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